Human or crocodile: Beware of the slipper

(File photo of Melvin Durai via facebook.com/humorcolumns)

Melvin Durai


Given a classroom assignment of putting various household objects into categories, many students around the world would have no trouble putting the common slipper or chappal into a single category: footwear.

But others, including those in Asia, Africa and South America, would earn extra credit by putting the slipper into a second category: “How mama spanks me.”

Corporal punishment (spanking kids) is either illegal or discouraged in many parts of the world, while in others, it is both legal and highly encouraged. “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is an adage that is widely shared, but millions of people have grown up fearing not the rod, but the slipper.

No one knows for sure when the slipper was invented, but some historians trace its roots to Vietnam in the 12th century, when a man named Lee Pham wrote about his fondness for slippers: “I love these flat things with straps. They are so easy to use on the children. Keeps them well-behaved. And now and then, I even wear them on my feet.”

In a typical household, the father uses a belt or stick to discipline the children, while the mother uses a slipper. My mother, like many others, was quite adept at using a slipper. She would chase me around the house waving the slipper, and I would scream like she was carrying some kind of loaded weapon. I knew nothing about the gun control movement in those days, but I would have gladly marched for more slipper control.

As it turns out, humans are not the only species that suffer from fear of the slipper (slipperaphobia). You can scare not just dogs and cats with slippers but also crocodiles. If you don’t believe me, just check out the online video that shows an Australian woman threatening a crocodile with her slipper.

The video went viral recently but was actually shot in 2016 when the woman visited Cahills Crossing, a dangerous path across the crocodile-infested East Alligator River in Kakadu National Park. The woman was standing beside the river with her small dog when a large crocodile began to swim toward her. With no sign of fear, the woman casually took off her right slipper and waved it at the crocodile. When the animal didn’t move, she slapped the slipper against her left hand, as if to say, “This is what you’re going to get if you come an inch closer.” The crocodile recoiled and took off in another direction, slipping away from slipper lady.

Crocodiles have good memories and this crocodile probably remembered its childhood days, when Mama Crocodile took out the slipper.

Baby crocodile: “Mama, please! Not the slipper! My hide can’t take another hiding.”

Mama: “Do you promise to show more respect to your elders?”

Baby: “Yes, Mama, I promise not to say ‘later alligator’ to Papa. I promise not to make fun of his round snout.”

Mama: “You need to appreciate differences in your fellow crocodiles or else I’ll make you extra-different!”

While slippers cause fear in children, they’re preferable to most other implements, including belts and canes. Slippers do not cause any long-term damage to your bottom. There is usually no risk of being hit in the face with a slipper. That would be a violation of the Moral Code of Chappal Justice.

But spanking children is frowned upon in many parts of the world, including America, where it’s illegal in most states. For younger children, giving them time-outs is recommended, and for older children, taking away their cellphones is quite effective, even if it eliminates communication between parent and child.

If none of those alternative punishments work, you may decide to threaten them with a slipper. If they’re smart, like the crocodile, they’ll obey you right away and you won’t have to use it.

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