Melvin Durai
The video of Melania Trump, Donald Trump’s wife, and his daughter Ivanka Trump greeting each other at the recent Republican National Convention has been watched more than five million times. At first, it seems to show a friendly relationship between stepmom and stepdaughter. As Ivanka walks toward the president and first lady, Melania flashes a winsome smile, as if to say, “Hi Ivanka, my wonderful stepdaughter. It’s so nice to see you again.”
But as soon as Ivanka has passed, Melania’s expression sours, as if to say, “Why is this witch still hanging around? I wish she would go on a vacation. Somewhere far away like Mars or Venus.”
This is not too surprising, of course. If you were organising an international conference for stepmoms and stepdaughters who love each other dearly, you could transport everyone from the airport to the hotel in a single auto-rickshaw. The driver might even be able to pick up a few other passengers along the way.
But a conference for stepmoms and stepdaughters who detest each other would require at least 18 buses. Six for all the stepdaughters, six for all the stepmoms, and six for all the spite.
There are a lot of factors, of course, that determine the likelihood of a stepmom and stepdaughter getting along. Age plays a critical role. If the stepdaughter is an infant when the stepmom steps into her life, this greatly diminishes their desire to step on each other.
So how old was Ivanka when Donald married Melania in 2005? She was 23 and Melania was 35. That’s partly why, when Ivanka sees Melania, she doesn’t see a maternal figure — she sees a rival for her father’s affection.
Ivanka: “He loves me, not you.”
Melania: “He actually loves us both. He loves you as a daughter and me as a wife.”
Ivanka: “But his love for me is much, much greater than his love for you.”
Melania: “He loves us both equally. Ten per cent of his love goes to you, 10 per cent to me, and 80 per cent to himself.”
Ivanka: “Ten per cent for you? Yeah, sure. That’s what his last wife said, too. She’s lucky if she gets a Christmas card these days.”
That brings up another factor in this relationship: the number of ex-stepmoms that a stepdaughter has endured. Donald Trump has been married twice before, so Melania not only took the place of Ivanka’s mom, Ivana, who is now 71, she also took the place of Ivanka’s first stepmom, Marla Maples, who is now 56.
You can’t blame Ivanka if she has noticed a disturbing trend: as she gets older, her father’s wives keep getting younger.
The relationship between a stepdaughter and stepmom is similar to that between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. Both relationships involve a competition for attention and affection, with marital ties rubbing against parent-child bonds. When both parties are adults and occupying the same home, a turf war can ensue. That’s what apparently happened when Trump moved into the White House. His daughter tried to reserve a prime spot for her office in the East Wing, and his wife launched an impressive campaign known as Operation Block Ivanka.
According to Melania’s former confidante Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, Ivanka wanted to be known as the First Daughter Lady – the most visible female Trump in the White House. Melania, of course, wanted to be more visible than Ivanka. If Ivanka was the chair of an important meeting, Melania would hold a meeting to import a chair; if Ivanka was wearing a V-necked dress, Melania would wear a W-necked dress; and if Ivanka was hogging the limelight, Melania would hog the lemonlight.
You may ask, what about stepsons and stepfathers, fathers-in-law and sons-in-law? Don’t they have similar conflicts? Indeed they do, but I don’t want to give my father-in-law another reason to keep his distance from me.